How Ozempic Ate Awards Season

Two giant syringes, one labeled Ozempic, the other Mounjaro, take the stage to the tune of “There’s No Business Like Show Business.”

“Thank you, Academy.” Ozempic begins. “You’re looking good. My colleague and I know why. You know why. Everyone actually knows why. Because as I look at this naked statuette with its sleek midsection, evident cheekbones and cottage-cheese-less thighs, I see an ideal of beauty which we have made available to all of you here in the Dolby Theatre — and those few of you watching at home with ample money and willing doctors.To all of the Hollywood plastic surgeons, stylists, personal trainers, makeup artists and chefs whose livelihoods we have altered — and yes, in some cases ruined — let me conclude by quoting what Cate Blanchett said to Julia Roberts upon winning the Best Actress Oscar in 2014: ‘Hashtag Suck It.’”Thank you! Now who wants a shot?”Forget Chanel, Dior or Prada: This year, the most prominent designers on the red carpet are Novo Nordisk and Eli Lilly, whose injectable weight-loss drugs are the new couture. As awards season peaks this weekend with the 96th Academy Awards, those in every cranny of the celebrity-industrial complex, from restaurateurs to marketing mavens, have found themselves dealing with profound changes wrought on entertainment industry bodies and minds by this new kid in town. In the old days — five years ago (and five decades ago) — you’d get someone into rehab or to Two Bunch Palms to dry out and get in shape for a big role or a red carpet. Now a star can quickly lose up to 15 pounds (or more) in plain sight.Only a handful of celebrities — Oprah Winfrey, Elon Musk and Tracy Morgan are the most prominent — have publicly acknowledged using this new class of drugs, known as semaglutides, GLP-1s or by their brand names Ozempic, Wegovy and Mounjaro. A few other famous people, such as Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler and Sharon Osbourne, have admitted to using these drugs in the past, and an even smaller subset is using them for their original purpose of helping type 2 diabetics (Anthony Anderson). Indeed, a whole separate cottage industry has popped up of people denying or condemning the use of them.If you don’t want to leave the internet wondering why you look so puffy, saggy or sallow in a bad way, you’ve got to plan. “That’s the problem with people, not just celebrities,” says plastic surgeon Dr. Kelly Killeen. “They don’t plan. They are not thinking of all this. They want to look great immediately and be on the red carpet. It’s not that simple.”Bob Hope, the comedian who hosted the Oscars a record 19 times — and did not live long enough to see the invention of Ozempic — once said, “The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.” Billy Crystal, who hosted the second most times, nine, long ago played a character on SNL who dispensed the following satirical Hollywood advice. “It is better to look good than to feel good.”See you in the bathroom at the Dolby!

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